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Why do married guys cheat

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Why do married guys cheat

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There are many reasons why married people cheat. Frustration in the marriage is one common trigger; the cheater may make several attempts to solve problems to no avail.

Maybe they had second thoughts about getting married or they were jealous over the attention is given to a new baby and neither had the skill set to communicate these feelings.

Perhaps the straying spouse has childhood baggage — neglect, abuse, or a parent who cheated — that interferes with his or her ability to maintain a committed relationship.

Less often, the cheater doesn't value monogamy, lacks empathy, or simply doesn't care about the consequences.

We will take a look at a number of risk factors and causes for cheating, but it's important to point out upfront that a partner doesn't cause their spouse to cheat.

Whether it was a cry for help, an exit strategy, or a means to get revenge after being cheated on themselves, the cheater alone is responsible for cheating.

Men are more likely to have affairs than women and are often seeking more sex or attention. So sex becomes an important path to connection and intimacy.

If men aren't sexually satisfied for instance, if their spouse declines sex often , they take that rejection to heart, and it can easily translate to feeling "unloved.

When women cheat, they're often trying to fill an emotional void. Women are more likely to feel unappreciated or ignored, and seek the emotional intimacy of an extramarital relationship.

An affair is more often a "transitional" partner for the woman as a way to end the relationship. She is seriously looking to leave her marriage and this other person helps her do just that.

That's not to say that sexual satisfaction isn't a primary driver of affairs for wives as well as husbands. Similarly, boredom with the marital relationship may lead both men and women to cheat.

In one study of men and women who were actively pursuing or involved in extramarital affairs, both genders said they were hoping to improve their sex lives—because they felt their primary relationship was lacking between the sheets.

The general rule is that it takes two to tango, or in this case, to mess up their marriage with an affair, but there are certainly exceptions.

Individual factors that may increase the chance of infidelity include:. In a study looking at personality traits, women who ranked high in "neuroticism" and men who ranked higher in " narcissism " were more likely to cheat.

Problems in the marital relationship can also be a risk factor for cheating. Some of these include:. With or without individual or marital risk factors there are a number of possible reasons for marital infidelity.

Underlying many of the reasons, however, lie a few threads. One is the role of unmet needs. One partner may be incapable of fulfilling their partner's needs, but far too often, those needs have not been expressed.

Marital partners are not mind-readers. Another is the lack of addressing problems directly. Some of the reasons cited as the cause for cheating may include:.

In addition to the primary reasons for cheating noted above, there are secondary reasons that may lead to an affair. Sometimes people have a suspicion that their spouse is cheating but don't have any solid evidence.

While often the best approach in marriage is to be direct, you may wonder if it will cause more damage to ask directly.

And, of course, the answer your spouse gives could either be the truth or a lie. The best approach will vary for different couples, but if you're concerned, it may be a good idea to look for some of the signs.

In some marriages, an affair is a cry for help, a way to force the couple to finally face the problems that both parties are aware of but aren't addressing.

In this case, the partner often actually tries to get caught as a way of bringing the issue to the fore. Other times a partner may simply see infidelity as an exit strategy—a way to end an unhappy marriage.

Regardless of the underlying reason a spouse cheats, it can either devastate a marriage or be the catalyst for rebuilding it, depending upon how the infidelity is dealt with.

You may, however, want to explore how the dynamics between you and your spouse led you to this point. Recognizing that infidelity is a symptom of deeper issues can lead a couple to fix the underlying problems in their relationship and grow closer.

If you were the one cheated on, it's critical to realize that you're not responsible for your spouse making the decision to cheat.

You are not to blame for his or her behavior. Women tend to find emotional affairs more threatening than sexual affairs, whereas men are more willing to forgive emotional affairs but for both, the most common response to learning of their partner's affair is jealousy.

Even if you were the one wronged, working with a professional may be helpful in coping and recovering yourself.

Unresolved jealousy can lead to resentment, and as the old adage claims: "Resentment is like poison you drink yourself, and then wait for the other person to die.

Some couples can move past infidelity and move on to have even an even better relationship, whereas some cannot. Certainly, there are times when continuing the marriage wouldn't be recommended.

Before you analyze the specifics of the affair from your spouse's perspective and look at why the affair occurred in terms of his or her needs, it's important to look at your own needs.

This can be more challenging than it sounds, especially amidst the jealousy and anger. If you were the one who had an affair, there are several steps you can take if you hope to save your marriage.

Foremost you need to stop cheating and lying immediately and own your choice. Being patient and giving your spouse space is essential.

That doesn't say it will work out. Are these good reasons why married men cheat and stay married? The fact is that the men in this situation consistently give these reasons for why they do what they do instead of coming clean and dealing directly with their spouses about the repercussions of their choices.

What I think these reasons point out is a serious breakdown in communication between the couples. And I believe this reflects the miscommunication and lack of respect between genders and gender orientation that is sadly still prevalent in our society.

Karen Finn is a divorce and personal life coach. Share your work,thoughts and writings and we will make sure, it reaches the world! Submit Now. Skip to content.

Be prepared, these reasons may infuriate you or produce feelings of empathy. Share on. About The Author. Karen Finn Dr.

Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach. You can learn more about Karen and her work on her website. Connect with.

Why Do Married Guys Cheat Video

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Nelson says that post-affair, people either "make up," "break up," or "wake up. Will the cheater acknowledge his partner's devastation and empathize with the hurt he caused?

Many couples do continue to work on their marriage after the affair and decide to go to couples therapy for help earning back trust, improving communication and intimacy, and creating a shared vision going forward.

Others may see it as a deal-breaker and not want to continue trying. Have an open and honest discussion with your significant other and decide whether his infidelity is something you can move forward from.

Keep in mind that the solution won't look the same for every couple — just because one couple opens up their marriage doesn't mean you have to, and just because one woman lets her partner go doesn't mean you have to do that, either.

The one thing that does matter? That you feel like you're going to be OK. Follow Redbook on Facebook. Type keyword s to search. Getty Images. Here are just a few potential causes: 1.

He gets a rush from behaving badly … People that cheat may simply like that it's off-limits. He may have narcissistic qualities.

This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.

He's a retired Army general who designed and led the military surge in Iraq and was top commander in Afghanistan.

He had been deployed much of his career until he was named CIA director last year. His abrupt resignation amid news of his extramarital affair with a married Army Reserve officer brings a new wrinkle into an old story of why yet another powerful man risks so much for a woman.

All of these men were married, so are nearly all of the men I counsel after having an affair. They generally come to counseling to try and find a way to repair their damaged marriage.

This is no easy task though. Repairing a relationship after a betrayal like an affair is really tough. But if you already have a relationship, why would you be looking for another one?

If it's not the need for a new relationship, then why do married men cheat? Here are some of the article's suggested reasons why powerful married men cheat:.

Risk takers "tend to believe they control their destiny or fate," Farley says. It's at the heart of great leadership, and sometimes it overrides what many Americans would call common sense.

Risk taking? Married men cheat because they're risk takers? Well, maybe. Certainly no one will argue that cheating isn't risky. But is this really why married men cheat?

I don't believe so. Although I would agree that for risk takers it's easier to cross the line and cheat. Add in a dose of entitlement, suggests Mira Kirshenbaum, clinical director of the Chestnut Hill Institute in Boston who has written books about infidelity.

Where's the big reward? An affair can seem like a long-deserved perk. Now we're getting closer to one of the real reasons for an affair. Nearly all cheating married men I've counseled have been unhappy in their marriage.

This unhappiness, whether about the sex life, not feeling respected, conflict with their wife, or a number of other factors, does contribute to them feeling entitled to finding pleasure elsewhere and thus to cheat.

This can be true of women as well. Petraeus' resignation letter, which cites "very poor judgment," is particularly troubling to Dan Crum, a former CIA polygraph examiner and now consultant in Fairfax, Va.

It's part of that almost arrogance — 'Who are you to question me? I'm the one giving the orders here. Crum says the fact that there was an e-mail trail "demonstrates a level of arrogance and a feeling that you're above the law.

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